Checklist: how to disinfect freelancers

Probably, any freelancer will have wonderful (put the emphasis yourself) stories of communication with clients. Familiar to everyone to the pain, you might say. We have collected a practical guide for customers on how to simulate freelancers. These tips can be read in any order, from top to bottom, from right to left, and diagonally. To achieve a therapeutic effect on beating out a freelancer, alternate items in a chaotic order.

  1. In any incomprehensible situation, say: “Yes, there is work for 5 minutes!”
  2. Change the requirements of the TK on the go.
  3. Ask for more to play with the fonts when the work is almost approved.
  4. Give a technical task in a voice message.
  5. Send edits at night. And that by the morning everything was ready!
  6. Disappear if you need to provide important information for the project today, and the deadline is tomorrow.
  7. Accept the job. Approve. Then send edits in a week. Approve. Then send edits in a year…
  8. If a freelancer refuses to make edits after N days, months, I’m surprised to ask: “What’s the big deal?”
  9. Do not answer the freelancer’s additional questions. Everything is written in the TK, do what you are asked to do.
  10. Throw remarks: “Nothing that is not in the TK. They had to figure it out for themselves. What do you get paid for?”
  11. A month not to pay for the finished work, coordinating it with the heads of all departments, their wives and mistresses, the cleaner Aunt Masha and the boss’s dog.
  12. Ask, “How are we doing?” an hour after the freelancer took the project to work.
  13. Do not provide any information about the project. Resent that the result does not meet expectations.
  14. Pay $10. and demand elite, expensive, rich, luxury, premium, luxury.
  15. Reject the bet. Choose the cheapest performer. A week later, knock on the door asking me to fix everything. Or ask for a 50% discount because you’ve already pumped up the budget in the previous freelancer. Be offended if they refused.
  16. Be interested in the personal life of a freelancer. Talk about your personal life, even if no one asks.
  17. “Nothing complicated. I can do it myself, but I don’t have time at all.”
  18. “We like everything, but there are small edits.” But really, almost everything needs to be redone.
  19. Promise to flood with orders in the future. In the meantime, you need to work for food.
  20. Ask to do very urgently, and then disappear and do not give feedback for a week.
  21. Ask to do very urgently, and then forget to pay.
  22. “And let’s do this work not in a month, but in a week. And we’ll pay you a week in advance…”
  23. “I don’t know how to do it or how not to. But if you do, I’ll know right away.”
  24. Refuse to fill out a brief because there are so many questions.
  25. Ask for a zest. Not to specify which one and where.
  26. Call for any reason day and night, on weekends and holidays. Genuinely wondering why a freelancer is unhappy.
  27. Not to understand the issue, but to teach the freelancer its work. In no case do not listen to professional opinion.
  28. Do not leave a positive review if the work is done well.
  29. Leave a negative review if the freelancer refused to do work in excess of the TK.
  30. Offer to do the work now, and pay after the successful launch of the project or the conclusion of the first transaction.
  31. Ask to make this shade of blue even more divine.
  32. Resent that half an hour of work and a slight press of two buttons costs so much money. Do not understand that this is the price for experience and professionalism.
  33. Require multiple options to choose from. Promise to pay if something pleases the boss and his wife.
  34. Looking for something to complain about in a job well done, just not to pay the performer.
  35. Offer to perform a free test task that will pull on a full-fledged project.
  36. Resent the high price. Clarify what others did five times cheaper. At the same time, for some reason, no longer turn to these very others.
  37. By default, consider all freelancers irresponsible or scammers who only think how to throw the customer for money. Emphasize this in every possible way and then wonder why no one wants to cooperate.
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Add your own items to this list. Surely you have something to tell 😉.


Written by Shubham

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